How I Identify and Manage Stress in My Life

Stress has been ever-present in my life for as long as I can remember. 

Even when I was very young, I worried about fitting in, being well-liked, and performing up to the expectations of my family, friends, and societal norms. 

That’s a lot for an 8-year-old!

For decades, I believed that if I just reached the next goal, met the immediate expectation, or performed above what was necessary that I “earned” peace in my head and in my heart for a job well done. 

Needless to say, this was not the case. 

There was always another goal, greater expectations, and exacting performances to produce. 

After a while, the stress was something that I lived with, as if this way of being was simply the way life was…a stressful challenge that we must meet daily.   

Stress became my constant shadow that prodded me to do more, make more, be more.

And the most worrisome part was that my coping mechanism was to incorporate stress as a “normal” part of my life. 

It was as if running a car at maximum RPM all the time was the best way to get from one place to another. I arrived quicker, right? Then I could start out sooner to the next expectation – I mean destination. 

And I was very good at this way of existence. I appeared “successful” which met the expectations that cornered me daily. I had essentially created an unconscious way of being that could be defined as the Hyper-tense over-achiever. Problem solved. 

Or so I thought…

This unconscious coping mechanism continued well into my adult years…but not without a price.

It wasn’t until my body started to break down in my 30s that I experienced the actual physical manifestation of marching to the unending monotonous beat that I had allowed stress to produce. Believe me, being in the hospital dealing with stress-related physical breakdown is an eye-opener.

So what went wrong? 

What I had failed to do was to consciously identify stress and to actively develop practices to manage them.

Undoubtedly, stress, (especially in these continuing uncertain times), can be expected as a daily part of life. However, being conscious of the signs of stress is the first step to being able to actively manage it. 

Here’s what I do when I feel overwhelmed, uneasy, nervous or simply want to settle down.

Breathe

Of all the practices I have learned through the years, conscious breathing is for me the most immediate and helpful.  I take 5 counts to breathe in, hold for 3 and exhale for 5 counts. 

Typically, I do this for 3 rounds to settle my mind and bring me to a state where I can think again.

Focus on Gratitude

I like to do this when I’m consciously breathing. Being in gratitude has been a life-changer for me. There are so many blessings that often go unacknowledged. Being keenly aware of this has taken the sting out of stressful situations many times.  

Write it down

There is something very powerful about bringing the stressors out of the shadows and onto paper. When I can see in black and white what is bothering me, I’m better able to manage them. 

Along with the stressors, I like to write down the blessings. There is a silver lining in life’s challenges that often help us to become better versions of ourselves.

Pay attention to lack of attention

When I find myself procrastinating or apathetic about something I set out to accomplish, I ask myself: what’s really going on there?  And I write it down. If I don’t actively acknowledge that there is a block, it creates more stress.  And the cycle continues.

In doing this process, I have found all sorts of underlying reasons such as fear, sadness, or anger.

Actively identifying the feelings that often lurk in the shadows of my consciousness has been immensely helpful for me.

Take note of what’s happening physically

There have been times when I have had consistent pain in certain parts of my body. It’s important to note the location and duration. I write it down along with the date.  

I have found that journaling the messages from my body gives me a blueprint for listening to the signs and taking action before they go too far.  For example, I was experiencing low back pain for many months. 

In writing down when and where the pain appeared, I took stock of how I was processing emotion along with my fitness and (lack of) flexibility activities.

With active attention to processing specific unprocessed emotions and a more consistent and intentional stretching routine, my pain was alleviated. 

There are many ways to identify and manage stress that have been so helpful for me, and I hope that they will help you as well.  

Today is a great day to begin one or all of these practices! 

To your Best and Highest,
Kit